A Suicide Note
Disclaimer – The content in the blog is sensitive. It is a pure work of imagination and have no relation with any incident.
My name is Arun. I believe in God deeply. Don’t ask me whom you
believes the most because there are too many to confuse me so I decided to be
it just God. The very secret about me is that I see things. I keep quite
about them. And I understood them. I don’t know whether these things are
important to write or not. And the very fact that I don’t know what are these
important things to write about, so I just keep writing in case they will turn
out to be important. I am 15 (in case you want to know). I lived with three
others members in this house. My mom, brother Azaz and a man whom I called
father but he never called me son and there is a reason behind this. And this
is that reason that has forced me to commit suicide and for every bad thing in
my life. And the reason being me born as an unexpected surrogate child with a weird face. My face has a horrific
mixture of white and black color which go side by side and one eye totally
closed and lowered down to my cheeks. By the way I want to tell you about what
Surrogacy really is, in case you don’t know. So this is that damn thing by
which someone’s child is planted under someone other’s womb so that the woman with that womb will
better feed the baby and after birth it was again handed over to that woman who
have landed it. Although this is not as such a hard issue to me to being a
surrogate child but then I born with this damn face. Doctors explained this as
some genetic mistake that happened while transplanting me (when I was just an
egg) from my genetic mother’s womb to my mom's womb whom I was born. Mom once told
me that my parents were from Protugal or some other country of the Europe, they
are not so good in English and mostly speaks some different language so my Mom
guess so, and so everybody because nobody knows from where they actually come
from. What everybody knows is that after they saw my weird face they refused to accept me and flew away. At
that time Surrogacy was new to India and there had no law and regulations like
it do now. And that posed a question mark on my identity and the
case reached to Gujrat High Court. After many hearing they decided that
Hospital had to stop Surrogacy and because they had no records of my genetic
parents so court set a penalty of 1 crore on the Hospital and a 30 lakh
compensation would be paid to my Mom and my Mom declared as my harbinger; everybody accepted the decision. Although they had missed to tell me who would be my
father. But the case didn’t stop here. My citizenship too was questioned
because this was not U.S. where you will be a citizen from the moment you born
on its soil but it is India where to be a citizen you need to have your parents Indian. This time the case reached to The Supreme Court of India. There a
five judge bench after 5 months of hearing concluded that my case is the
rarest of the rare case that's why the judgement should be rare too, so it was. I was allowed
to enjoy all the Fundamental Rights of a Citizen but my citizenship would be approved only
after I was 5 which is 12 for someone who want to be a citizen of India through naturalisation and till then they will try to find my real father and mother and if not
found they would grant me the citizenship. My mother as usual was declared as my
harbinger but they again forgot to tell us who will going to be my father.
So, in that way my horrific life started in India somewhere in Gujrat where
people knows only business and business and nothing else. They talked about
business, eat for business and they lived for business. Although the stay was too
short but it is still there somewhere in my head in form of lollies. My parents decided to move from there, I being the
reason for that movement like many other things they later did in their lives and I guess I will continue to be even after my death or may not be. We landed in this crowded city Delhi. Things were
quite different here from there and the best part was that nobody knows us but
that didn’t stay for long and in only some months almost everybody got to
know about my parents and me and the birth and the surrogacy and the case and
everything that has ruined my life.
Everyone’s perception had changed within a year about me and they
thought it is better to keep a distance from me. And I don’t mind it at least when it
gave me some space to be normal and not be glared by people’s abnormal
faces when they saw me. After that my life was much of like sleep, eat, play and
study when Mom feel free to do so. Actually I was home schooled till I was 14
and it was only 6 months since I had been to school. It all being the idea of
my mother that now I need to go to school. And for everybody’s surprise I was
admitted directly to 8th standard and teacher said that I am
brilliant enough and deserved it. Everything was going good until that point.
And I was not so upset with that life as I am now. Then the school started. First
everybody was nice to me especially the girls but sometimes it felt like they
mean it because of my face. Although the first day was very strange in the
school as everybody including teachers stared strangely at me without any
reason. And it took almost two weeks for entire class to be familiar with my
face and another two months for most others who saw me daily going to school
including children in the bus. And another two months for almost entire
school to be familiar with my face. And when everything seems ok with me,
things changed again to worst one day. That day one of bully boy from my class
started hitting me when I was in the bathroom and I did the only thing I
remembered, I hit back just like my brother had taught me years ago.
“Go for
knees, throat and eyes and hit hard”
I want to
tell you that my brother is a great fighter. He used to taught me these moves
when I was younger and used to think of superheroes as real. Although I missed
that type of relationship with my brother now and we talked very little unlike
when we were younger and didn’t care much about what world would think of us. So,
over the years I had practiced all these moves a lot. Don’t ask me the reason
because I don’t have any. The boy first hit me and I hit back and hard and my hard was much harder than the
hardness of bully’s punch. Blood spit out
from his nose and he cried disastrously. I was very sorry for this incident and
the truth is that I had no such intention to hurt him. This was just a move in for self – defense. I was called to the Principal Office and he said
me to apologize to that bully and I did, ending the case from his side. But
this was just the beginning of the one - sided revenge. Soon the incident spread
to all over the school with many different stories and rumors. One of the story
even claimed that during the fight I opened my closed eye and hurt the bully.
Everyone made a conclusion that I am a monster. So I was started to be called
by different names like monster, bhasmasur, with many others. Over it, they
started bullying me in groups everywhere they found me single. The school is like
a hell. No one to tell the truth. No one to share pain. And no one to believe
me. People in my family including my mother busied themselves in their own
business and there is no one to talk with in the family too. So the life is like going from one hell to another.
Why it is me? Sometimes I thought about this question and this disturbed me a lot oftentimes. I know I am a bad result but this is not a perfect society. Although a society for perfect. People here are too sick to move ahead for perfection that they don’ t even care of the little good.
Over the last two months I was thinking
of the suicide and it is not a decision taken in haste. The water is over my
head and I can’t breathe I want independence from this damn life.
Mamma you
are really nice to me expect for those times when you looked at
me weird in public like I am nothing for you or when you biased your love
for Azaz. Brother you too are really nice to me but I don’t know why things have
changed when you joined your high school. I know you don’t want your friends to
know about me in any way that’s why you acted like a stranger in front of them
and I have no objection with that. Father you had never accepted me and I am
the last thing for which you will care for in the world. But it is completely
OK and I have no complain with any of you. I don’t want to blame anyone for my
death. I just want to die that’s it.
Sorry, Mamma
if my doing so hurts you. Brother goodbye and thank you for all your generosity.
You needn’t to take care of my
presence in front of your friends any more. Father, I had never seen you smile expect
for one or two times and you look really beautiful in those moments of time. I want,
you do smile more often.
Now excuse
me I have to go forever.
Love always,
Arun
Aftermath
of Arun’s Death – Arun
committed suicide on the night of 6th April. After postmortem Arun’s body
was handed back to his family. His funeral was strange because his so called
father cried heavily. After that incident Arun’s family shifted to another city.
Azaz remembers his dead surrogate brother as much as he wanted to forget him when
he was alive. Everybody came out on social media platforms to share the sorrow of this
child. Some of them even talked for his justice and his vengeance. But because of
confusion on who will be considered as the absolute villain made the demand slow
and ultimately it got lost. After sometime the name went to oblivion. Then on someday someone like Arun born at some place, treated badly by
society. Sometimes it caught voices, sometimes it doesn’t. But each time the
name went to oblivion at last. Same happened again and again and
again……
Let Perfect not to be the enemy of little Good.
One of the best blog i've ever read bhai.. ๐๐keep going๐๐
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